The Importance of Mental Health During ACL Recovery
A long and emotional return to sport.
After severing my ACL in a recreational adult soccer game in 2022, I was faced with the reality of having my legs taken out from underneath me both physically and emotionally. I was seen by an orthopedic surgery center post injury and after a few standard ACL tests, I was told that I may have strained my PCL but that my ACL was in tact and that I would not receive an MRI referral. This was great news! I was stoked! Rest for 6-weeks and I should be good to go. I began physical therapy to aid in recovery and even my physical therapist was sure I had not torn my ACL. I was on the road to returning to my active life!…or so I thought…
I kept fighting through it. I wanted to heal. I tried to push through. After all, my athletic training had taught me “mind over matter” and “no pain no gain.” Clearly, this was something I would have to push through. Wrong! Even as an experienced therapist, I lived in denial and disassociated from my body to avoid pain. I wanted to believe that it wasn’t that bad. I continued to try to run. I limped through a couple soccer games. I knew my knee wasn’t “right” and yet I continued on. I could not let go of my active lifestyle, and this experience was wildly sobering. My knee would just randomly buckle as I was walking or standing. I was in pain physically and emotionally. My emotional well-being took a turn. I was completely disregarding the cries for help my body was sending. My mind and body were wildly disconnected and I was suffering.
Although I was in my mid 30s and definitely not in the prime of my athletic career, I was faced with sudden immobility and deep loss of my athletic identity. I had been so lucky throughout my athletic career to have never sustained an injury quite like this. It made me think about all of the young athletes that face injury, in high school and college, just as their career is building. I felt for them. I hurt for them. I imagined how alone they must feel. I thought about all of the athletes I competed with and against that faced major injuries. I felt terrible that I had not been more available to them during their struggles.
I have always been physically active. My primary coping skills and wellness strategies all included some form of moving my body and/or getting a sweat on. This was my identity. My social connections surrounded physical activity and it was where I felt the most at peace with myself.
Suddenly, all of this was taken away from me and I was forced into identifying a new way to flow through my life and manage stress. In an instant, my knee popped and with that pop, I lost connections with my sports and active friends. I experienced sudden and unexpected isolation in my immobility.
The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory.
-Les Brown
After months of waiting…and attempting to push through, my knee wasn’t getting better. I got a second opinion. Shout out to Daniel Jones, M.D. with Advanced Orthopedics (Dr Daniel Jones | Orthopedic Surgeon Medford, OR | Sports Medicine Medford, OR (advancedorthopedics.com). He was so skilled, kind, and engaged throughout my entire recovery. It did not take long for Dr. Jones to confirm that I needed an MRI and likely severed my ACL. Thank goodness, he took the time to conduct a thorough examination. Apparently, my hamstring had been fighting really hard to keep everything in my knee together. After another month of waiting, I got an MRI appointment. Sure enough, my ACL was gone…exploded. Gone-Gone. I had strained my MCL and my meniscus was torn and not salvageable due to poor blood flow in the torn area and my knee joints were also severely bruised. It was clear, if I wanted to maintain my active lifestyle, I would have to undergo ACL reconstructive surgery. Strangely, this news was almost a relief. Just. Finally. Knowing. At least I knew what my next step was; I could schedule surgery and hope to rebuild.
I underwent ACL reconstructive surgery and secured a new physical therapist. Shout out to Steven Zerkel, PT, DPT at Therapeutic Assosciates Physical Therapy (Steven Zerkel | Therapeutic Associates Physical Therapy). Surgery went well and I was lucky enough to avoid any further complications. The first few days were wildly difficult. Now, I actually needed help with everything… No easy task for someone who refuses help at all costs. Thankfully, I had support from family and close friends! I had people in my life that literally would keep tabs on me to make sure I wasn’t trying to do too much too soon… And I needed that! So much love for my partner! He was so assertive and patient with me!
Little by little, I gained more and more independence. With every step forward, I felt as though I took two steps back. I plugged away and did all of my physical therapy exercises. My physical therapist, Steve, was the best! Steve kept me in check. I had a tendency to push too hard and I was way too hard on my body. Steve reminded me that I was making great progress and, even though I did not feel like it, I was actually ahead of the game in my recovery…Definitely… Didn’t feel like it!!!
I was faced with the undeniable reality that mental, emotional, and physical health are directly connected in the ACL rehabilitation process. My mood was like a yo-yo...up and down all day long, week after week. Just when I thought I was making progress, I would dip down and regress. This was emotionally exhausting and again, I disconnected with myself…”mind over matter.” This was not helping my emotional self. I started to believe that I would not fully heal and that I would not be able to return to my active lifestyle. I was emotionally crushed…and physically I regressed. I was told over and over that this was natural and to be expected. ACL Rehabilitation is a marathon, not a race. I was told that at my age, it would be a year or maybe two before I would feel like myself. This was daunting to say the least.
I knew I had to do something…anything…to feel better. I began digging deep into my meditation, mind-body connection, and radical acceptance training. I listened to this guided recovery meditation on repeat every morning and every night. I visualized my body healing. I worked on letting go of my anger. I changed my perspective. I forgave myself. I listened to my body and thanked it for it’s innate healing capacity. I began to BELIEVE that my body wanted to heal. I began looking at nerve pain as a sign that my body was healing and working to reconnect the severed pieces. I was kind to myself. I thanked my body everyday for all it has down for me in the past and all that it was doing for me in the moment.
Now, just over a year post surgery, I am coming around and starting to feel like my old self! It is an amazing feeling!!! I put in the work both in and out of physical therapy and will never underestimate the level of resilience it takes to overcome a serious injury, surgery, chronic pain, or other health issues. I have learned the importance of having a variety of coping skills, wellness strategies, and social connections in and out of sport.
While I would never wish this ACL experience on anyone, I have grown in ways I could not have imagined and there is no doubt I am a better person, friend, and therapist as a result. This experience has enhanced my understanding of self-love, self-acceptance, the mind-body connection, and how important taking care of the whole self is in any healing journey.
My personal ACL journey drove my passion to provide mental health support to aid others in injury recovery. I hit the ground running. I knew I wanted to support others in this way. In 2024, I began Inner Flow Counseling LLC with the focus on providing mental health therapy through a neuroscience perspective, applying somatic, mind-body connection, and brainsporting to address injury recovery and performance blocks that become stored deep in the subconscious and nervous system and limit functional and emotional recovery.
More than Sports Psychology. Inner Flow Counseling LLC addresses the whole-person to promote deep nervous system healing. This allows deeper processing to release automatic stress responses related to the injury itself, surgery, recovery, and back to sport transitions. When our bodies experience a trauma such as an injury or surgery, our nervous system becomes activated to protect. It remembers the sights, sounds, body positions, etc. of the traumatic event to signal STOP messages to help us avoid future traumas. While well-meaning, this can prevent us from trusting our rehab process on a subconscious level. Often, we are not even aware of this occurrence. Have you ever felt like, “I know I am strong enough…I have put in the work…or why won’t my body do what my mind wants it to do?” These are examples of subconscious STOP messages in the nervous system. These blocks served us in the moment, requiring muscle locks in the body to protect the injured area, yet on your journey of recovery, you are getting stronger and no longer require this full-protection mode. These blocks often prevent full emotional and physical potential. Too often, we start to believe these limits and chalk it up to, “I’ll never be the same after this injury.” While, every rehabilitation journey is unique, this may be a limiting belief system existing in the conscious and the subconscious mind.
Dacarie Robertson, LCSW
Interested in learning more about Inner Flow Counseling LLC?
Interested in learning more about Inner Flow Counseling LLC?
